


Diary of a Frantic Kid Sister

by ProphecyGirl



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Drabble, Eating Disorders, Season/Series 06, Sexual Fantasy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-16
Updated: 2009-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 20:52:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17815331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ProphecyGirl/pseuds/ProphecyGirl
Summary: Dawn writes in her diary, and she's not as innocent as everyone thinks.





	Diary of a Frantic Kid Sister

When they fucked, it must have been beautiful to watch. Pale skin moving against paler skin, bones jutting out, his angular face peering up from between her knobby knees. Like two skeletons dancing, thin and bleached and perfect, matching each other's every move. Muscles most normal people don't even have, rippling and moving; bodies bending in unimaginable ways..

Tara laughed when I told her, but she was nervous. She didn't want me to think that would ever happen; Buffy and Spike. I just wondered how long it had been happening already. I guess it's sort of weird, that I have this fascination with them. I mean, Buffy's my sister--and the idea of her having sex at all, it creeps me out a little. But I can't help thinking about how gorgeous they would look doing it together.

Spike reminds me of Iggy Pop, Billy Idol, even David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust. Some glittering glam rock boy made up of skin and bones. Sometimes, I wish I could find him asleep, and put makeup on him. Purple eyeliner. Black lipstick. Sparkling eye shadow. But nothing that would take away that corpse-like look.. Miles and miles of pale, cool skin.

I think about having sex with him a lot.. How he'd take me and tell me how beautiful I am, maybe push my hair back off my face. He'd kiss me so gently, like in the movies--and lay me down, maybe in my bed, or on the couch downstairs when no one was home. He'd be worried about me, but he wouldn't need to, because it would feel so good and right and perfect.

It could never happen, first of all because he'd never, ever do that. Everybody would stake him at the same time. And secondly, he's got Buffy. He doesn't need anybody else. She goes to him at night, and when she comes home hours later her hair is all messed up and sometimes her clothes are torn. I always wait. Spike acts so nice, but he's still a vampire. And I've seen the marks on her. I can't sleep until I know she's home and safe.

Some nights, when she comes back with really big marks, I take a little holy water and put it on her hand after she goes to sleep. Just to make sure. It's scary, because I know for sure one day that water's going to burn, and she's going to wake up. And I'm going to have to be the one to kill her.

I skip around so much when I'm writing here, it's crazy. When I'm an adult, I'm going to look back and read this, and think "Gee, why didn't anyone notice I had ~~skitzo~~ schitzofrenia as a kid?"

Where was I? Oh. Spike and Buffy. I think maybe I'm sick, for thinking about them doing stuff together. But it's not like it's Spike and Buffy in my head.. In my head, it's just these two skinny blonde people. And it's not like it's details or something.. I mean, I couldn't even picture Spike if I wanted to. All I've ever seen are drawings. And in this one movie one time, but that was too fast and I don't remember.

Anyway, I get these pictures of them together, and it's like I'm watching it on tv or whatever. And they're so perfect--I can even count their ribs. I wish I looked like Buffy. I'm already half an inch taller than her, and I hate that. I feel like some giant with too-long legs and arms. When I was like, ten, Buffy used to tell me how she threw up her food sometimes, like when she had a school dance or something, and wanted to be skinny enough in her dress.

I think about doing that, but, ew--it's just so gross. I don't think I could make myself puke. But when Melinda had that pool party last summer, I didn't eat for three whole days before that. I really couldn't tell if it made a difference, but Jimmy kept looking at me the whole time, so maybe it did. I wish I could be tiny and skinny but strong, like Buffy, and have a beautiful skinny-strong boyfriend like Spike.

When I used t-

Argh. Buffy called me downstairs to tell me she was leaving, and now I forgot what I was going to write. She's going to see Spike again, I know it. She says she's patrolling, but she's such a liar. She thinks I can't handle the truth because I'm just a dumb kid. So what if I'm only like, a year old? I'm way more mature than her, anyway. You don't see me sneaking off at night to go fuck vampires.

Not that, if I could, I wouldn't..


End file.
